intuitive eating

For the past three years, I've been all over the place when it comes to diets and exercise. From never caring about what I ate and being overweight to counting calories to "clean eating" to burning every calorie I ate with excessive exercise to IIFYM (If It Fits Your Macros). I never thought that I would be the girl who was so obsessed with body image and being "perfect" and the latest diets. I never wanted to be that girl, but I turned into that. I've had struggling relationships with food and exercise for some time now, which I have been honest about (here and here).

Do I regret turning into that girl? No. I don't regret anything I have gone through because I wouldn't be where I am today. I needed to go through these different stages, however unhealthy, in order to learn more about myself. On top of learning about myself, I learned so much about nutrition, eating disorders, workouts, and I've made some really wonderful friends/role models. On top of all that, I'm able to reach out to other young women who have these same issues with their bodies. Eating disorders are unfortunately so common these days, and so many of us don't even know we are suffering from them. I put myself out there and I'm honest, as scary as it is, because I want to help others.

I've always been candid about my experiences and the different diets/lifestyles I've tried. I know some of you probably say, "Here she goes again jumping on a new bandwagon..." And that's fine. I know I try a lot of different things, and I've enjoyed it. Maybe it seems kooky, but I like learning. I like the process of trial and error. I like finding what works for me. I share what I go through and what I know with hopes it helps others.

As you know, I've been following IIFYM for about three months now. It was honestly the exact step that I needed to take back in July. It was the step in the right direction, being that I was able to have less restrictions with food. While it was still a diet (counting grams of protein, fat, and carbs), it was one that was more suitable for me and my mentality. After being a "clean eater" for over a year, I had become way too obsessive and restrictive, which led me to have major binge days and feel guilt over food.

One thing I've learned, and the most important thing I've learned, is that guilt and food shouldn't be in a relationship. They should have absolutely nothings to do with each other. It's still something I have to remind myself of every day. I keep hoping the two of them break up, but they're in an on-and-off relationship inside my head. It's difficult to keep the two of them separate, especially when you're chowing down on an In-N-Out cheeseburger. I honestly don't know how to break that habit of thinking because I'm still learning how. I just know that there has to be a way of getting there, and that balancing healthy foods and treats is a good step in reaching that point.

Another step I am taking in the direction of guiltless eating, is quitting the counting. I'm saying goodbye to IIFYM. This diet has brought me so much mental peace and has taught me so much about food, but I don't want to place numbers or labels on food anymore. I deleted My Fitness Pal. I won't be planning my meals out days in advance. I won't be eating out of tupperware and bags from my purse. Instead, I'm becoming a normal human being. I've adapted intuitive eating as of today. You know, listening to my body and trusting what it tells me it needs. I've been mulling over this decision for awhile. Intuitive eating has always been the ultimate goal. I just needed to take baby steps to get here.

Here is a great example of what it is all about...

It's basically living life. Having goals is great, but you know what else is great too? Living. Not obsessing. Finding balance. Believe me. I have my goals. I want to be stronger than I ever have been, and I want to look damn good in a bikini when I venture to the Bahamas in a few months. I work hard towards my goals almost every day, but there are some days where maybe I eat a little more than I need to, or just want to take a break from the gym. God forbid, right? I'm just saying to find a balance because there is so much happiness when you're not so obsessive. Live a little!